Shit Happens, Deal With It

6 months ago

Got 3 classes tomorrow. The first of which I have to present on drug legalization but I am just setting up the scenario while two other people argue their side. Can’t wait for that to be over. Gym will Waldo at 4 and twins at night. Finally a week with no stress.

7 months ago

Me: I can't wait for Thanksgiving.
Jenny: Omg!!!! ME EITHER!!! I cant waiiitttt!!!! What are you doing that weekend?
Me: Chilling with you duhhh
Jenny: Well duhh!!! We need to think of something awesome to do!
Me: We are so awesome that just being in one place is a ball of awesome
Jenny: This is true lol
Me: We should get tipsy
Jenny: I think we're too awesome for some people to handle... We need to proceed with caution when we enter a room so that people don't die of sudden overexposure to awesomeness.
Jenny: And yes we should get tipsy!

7 months ago

I was got my midterm back in History and when I saw the grade it said 39 over 50 = 68. Then me and my friend are like… no that is 78. So I asked my professor and he looked and said no that is a 34.. -__- Got my hopes up for nothing. He scaled it to a 70. I asked him if there was something I could do to better prepare for the test because I felt like I knew the stuff but got tricked by the questions. He responded by saying that the final is going to be more straight forward so I should do better on the next one.

7 months ago

I talked to a counselor at my college the other day. Disability services thought I should talk to someone because it was real clear I had a lot on my shoulders. I told him my life story (well the core stuff) and he said that he can’t get read on me. That I don’t show emotion to topics that should reveal some emotion. He mentioned that I bring humor into things that no one else would think to add humor to. Mostly he was talking about my battles with cancer and such. He told me he thinks it is a defense mechanism. That things that are hard to talk about I add humor to to make it lighter conversation. Who doesn’t do that though. If someone is going to come and tell you some past stuff that is serious all depressing like then of course your going to feel bad for that person. Who said I want pity though? I make light of the situation because I don’t want people feeling bad for what happened to me because I am past that point. Sure I sometimes feel like no one really think what I have been through is that bad because I make it come off that way but I know that what I went through very little have. My story is unlike any other. I like to think of it as unique and not different even though every now and then I get mad about something that I differ from the average person.

7 months ago

my sister is a child… going on Romulo’s facebook wall and telling him to “show me you weenis!!”

8 months ago

I feel like shit about everything going on around me. I feel like my body is just deteriorating. Everything I used to be able to do no problem is becoming increasingly difficult. I thought coming to college would be fine. I think I was in denial. I see now how tired I am from doing this and I feel like shit about it. I get home after a long day here at school and realize that I still have a ton of shit I need to get done. School is yet to be over. I wake up at 8am then drive an forty minutes, on days with bad traffic it can be upwards of seventy five minutes, to go to classes which are all back to back meaning I don’t have time to eat leaving me more tired to which I leave to go home at 3:30pm just to get home around 4:30pm. I get home and make something to eat and next thing I know it is already 6. I then take a shower and start my homework which lately has been lasting 2 hours per class at the very least. I also have to stop in between to then eat dinner with my parents which at that point I am not very hungry. Then they try to start a conversation and the only thing I can think about is eating this shit quick so I can go back to the homework I have. This leaves them worried because they don’t know what is happening with me since I barely talk. I get back to my work and by the time I am done I see that it is already 11. I go to sleep at 12 because if I don’t get 8 hours in my body just doesn’t want to function. I get jitters and my hands become shaky. So In 3 of my 4 days of school I have this issue. Wednesday I am ok and Monday I don’t have class. Problem is I feel like I don’t have time to just relax. I haven’t even seen a lot of my friends lately. I expect to have time on the weekends but then I think of the 4 classes I have Tuesday and how I need to do the work for those. Plus this last Monday I had to go to the hospital and took this medication which basically makes me pretty slow making things like homework something I can barely do efficiently. School is beginning to wear me down already. I am not afraid of what it is doing to me physically so much as I am worried as to what it is doing to me mentally. I am starting to go crazy thinking that everything I do is half-assed and that school is too much for me to handle. This whole experience is just shit.

8 months ago

That was a close one

I went into my History class expecting my professor to be ok. I knew he was Russian but I thought he would at least be understandable. Come to find out this guy is extremely unclear and his class is ridiculous. He gave us 3 papers with Africa, Europe, and Asia on them. It was a map of all the continents with all the states listed. He told us that we would have to memorize all the countries because he was going to give us the same sheets back but without the countries. ALL THE COUNTRIES! By the way no word bank. HELL NO! Here is the kicker… its 15% of your grade. Get the fuck outta here. So I switched into a different history class. Dodged a bullet.

8 months ago

Went to the gym on Saturday after not having gone in over 2 weeks and did a pretty full workout. Sunday I felt sore but it wasn’t terrible. I planned on going again that day but I didn’t so I said I would go today. Problem is I woke up really sore today. I didn’t even want to get out of bed this morning. Weird part is that I like feeling this soreness because I know what I am doing is working.

9 months ago

Feeling Like Shit

I am in college. What should be the greatest time of my life… is making me feel like crap. I can’t make any friends, I can’t participate in the activities, and I can’t do the most medial of tasks without having difficulty. This situation has just made me feel so little. I have never felt so small and vulnerable in my life. I thought coming here it would be fine. I expected difficulty but I thought that I had gone through some hard shit in my life and this shouldn’t be any harder. I realize now that that is not the case. I talk to people fine. Exchange some laughs and such. People just feel weird talking to me and it is so noticeable. I see it and it makes me feel weird to talk to them. One kid was talking to me fine like I would with anyone else. We were sitting down eating and then when we get up to leave he looks down at my foot and just stares for awhile as we were leaving. I tried to continue talking but he began to say little. I saw him today and he didn’t even say hey. It just makes me think that no one can accept that I am handicapped. Because of that it has made my living situation hard as well. To get around here has been incredibly hard for me. I feel like I am going to faint just getting from the Dining Hall to the very top of the hill where I have classes. The walking isn’t even the biggest problem. The thing that made me realize that this is just a terrible situation for me is showering. I have to wear sandals obviously, problem is that they don’t have a lift on them and they start to slip off. So not only am I walking down the hall to take a shower with just a towel and my shower stuff but my sandals are falling off and I have to adjust them back on. At one point when I was coming back to my room I nearly slipped and fell. This all is just to much for me. The only people have showed me any decency is Izzy, Jenny, some random chick in computer training, and the people who work here. I feel like everything is going down hill. I just want to crawl up into a ball and cry.

9 months ago

First Day of College

I would have to say kinda blah. Like I was put in a single which is good only problem is it is at the very end of the hallway. Another thing is that it is kinda hard to make friends cuz people automatically look at me like, that kid is a loner he isn’t even talking to his roommate, which is annoying cuz i don’t have a roommate so I don’t have a person that I continuously talk to. I saw these two girls here that I know from others which was kinda cool. One lives upstairs but the other lives on the other side of campus. I just want classes to start so I have something to keep me busy. I plan on going home Friday afternoon. Stay home for the weekend and come back with the rest of my stuff. I am extremely tired now so I will probably just go to sleep soon.

That was a close one

Feeling Like Shit

First Day of College

Latest Tweets

Following

Tumblr